I enjoyed playing the Follower of Hai Rui, but he was a tough roll to play. He seemed to at his core go against the very Confucian he claimed to want to uphold. He was supposed to be loud and riotous, quite unlike the calm and benign ideal Confucian. It was rather difficult for me to play that kind of hypocrisy. It was also difficult to know how to act while being my character. It was not until after the memorials had been criticized and I had bowed to the Emperor that I found out I had the choice not to do so. It was not until three sessions later that I learned I did not have to play according to ‘decorum’.
There is no excuse for me not fulfilling the role I was given. I should have been more assertive in conversations and I should have known more about the Chinese systems if only so I could find fault in them and blame their faults on the Emperor. Not knowing I could speak out of turn and refuse to follow orders does not excuse me from not speaking aggressively when I was called upon. Even if I fulfilled my victory objectives, I do not think I won. I would not have even stood up on my last day alive if it had not been for our guest and the persuasion she gave me.
I like to think that I did gain a better understanding of Chinese history and philosophy in this game. I think all of us have “raise up the strait and set them over the crooked” burned into our memories for the rest of our lives. I know I have a better grasp of the Analects than I do of Socrates’ teachings. I also like the Analects better than I like Socrates’ teachings because according to my understanding, the Analects teach that men do not have to be “small” men and that they can learn from their mistakes and from each other in order to become true gentlemen; whereas Socrates teaches that men are static and the only reform they can make is by devoting themselves to one trade and becoming great at that trade alone. Confucius’ words seem more optimistic to me.
I enjoyed the China game. I cannot say I enjoyed it more, for I know my performance was less than it should have been and as a pivotal character I should have been able to change the slow, monotonous quality of the game. I think I probably felt more relief than one should have upon my character’s death, and I cannot explain why. It was interesting to say the least. It was nice not having to try and calculate point totals, but that made it somewhat harder to know where people stood. But the game was all the more challenging and more mysterious for it. It is a shame the game is over.