My Athenian Citizens,

It seems necessary to first say I may have had my head too heavy with wine, but I have been given a divine message that has served to mend my former overindulgences. I want to assure the Assembly that Socrates is indeed safely within Athenian territory after a brief, but mysterious, abduction by two strangely-clad young men. I espied the event from beneath a tree where I had stopped between exercises to reward my strength and endurance with a few cups of wine laced with nepenthe. I very nearly felt an unfamiliar sensation--it is called fear, I think, by cowards--when I viewed what I estimated to be queer Theban youths, who, as we all would agree, know little of the art of conversation and flute about like soft, Satyrnine revelers. After seeing with my own eyes their vanishing within an upright kophinos bearing our own Socrates away, and as if the gods had seen and rejected the lot of them, hath instantaneously returned bearing a heavy wooden stick in somewhat of an unearthly spectacle. Such as is, I plan to perform great feats in the name of Athena and the people, beginning with asking you, my fellow Athenians to allow me to lead in the rebuilding of the Long Walls. Politics notwithstanding, it is our obligation to protect the state, regardless of factional differences. Fear not the Spartans, for the gods will but grant us favour if we show courage to defend our own lands. Neither let money be a discouraging factor in the reconstruction, for I will contribute many talents to this cause if it so helps restore glory to Athens.

• Your Warrior and Champion Athlete